Stop Approaching Life Events as Projects

There is an interesting habit these days that I am noticing from folks around me: they are using project management principles to change their environment or “states” of being.

To say simply, some people out there are trying to change their lives from one state (e.g., married without kids) to another (married with kids) by approaching it like a project.

Some examples of where I am seeing this project-centric phenomenon is approaching the following situations to change their states as projects:

  • Being married and not having kids to having kids
  • Being single and getting married
  • Being in school to graduating
  • Being poor to getting rich

Now like everyone out there, we are continuously problem solving. It’s some how in our DNA to go out into the world and find solutions to things that bother us and try to resolve it.

There is one thing that I have noticed from conversing about personal problems with some friends is  that they have told me to “tackle it like a project.”

These conversations lead to thinking about defining the problem statement, creating a plan based on best practices, defining end results in terms of quantifiable metrics, and developing a course of action to solve the problem and put it to rest.

For kicks, let’s approach the problem some couples have with the inability to have kids and the “let’s approach this like a project” mentality applied to meeting the objective of bringing a new life to the relationship.

The  issue of procreation can be due to several factors that go beyond comprehension. Some of these can be infertility issues, erectile issues, sexual compatibility, communication issues, lack of interest in really wanting kids, etc. Pick one – this is only an example.

So what happens now? The problem is identified and the couple seeks a way toward a solution. One person in the couple becomes the project manager and the other the project lead. They create an extensive project management plan that leads them to seek options and opinions from close friends, doctors, fertility clinics, family members, and WebMd-like Google searches to research what is going with them.

The couple creates a “procreation schedule” and time-frame with key milestones they will execute the plan within. They develop clear objectives for the project. They will develop key performance parameters such as “100% availability for sex upon request” and “100% on time for doctor appointments” and “65% completion of painting little Johnny’s room by X date.” They will provide some cost figures but the truth is that time is the biggest cost.

The couple goes with the mentality that “if it worked for others, it will work for us!”

The couple will then track all the milestones, keep to schedule, and make sure the objectives are revisited and clearly at forefront of the couple-approved schedule. They develop an extensive plan with month-to-month milestones and start executing.

But then what happens over time? Well, they fall a little bit short of their goal – well, actually some of them don’t even meet the goal. All the tactics they tried to have children didn’t work. They didn’t’ make it to the doctor on time, fertility consultations didn’t work, drugs didn’t work, the couple was just too busy, and little Johnny’s room was not painted.

What happens now? Well, they get frustrated. The couple get stressed. They take out their anger on each other.

They feel like we failed. They call ourselves a failure. Some of us want to run, others hide.  After all if the project milestones weren’t met, isn’t it a failure? If we put in the time and didn’t achieve our objective, isn’t the project a failure? If we clearly stated our metrics and didn’t achieve any of our parameters, isn’t the project a failure?

Is something wrong with this whole picture? Does this project management process seem a bit inorganic? Now, I am not an expert in family planning but using this example, this whole project management thing to have kids the way I described it seems a bit unnatural. So why do people do this?

So let’s break this down a bit and explore what a project is. According to the Project Management Institute (PMI), a project is “a temporary group activity designed to produce a unique product, service or result.” Other definitions from Google searches indicate that a project is a “sequence of tasks, planned from beginning to end, bounded by time, resources and required results.”

There are a few key characteristics from these definitions about projects to keep in mind. Projects are:

  • Specific set of actions. It is not a routine operation, but a unique set of steps designed to accomplish a singular goal.
  • Involve a sequence of tasks. These tasks are planned for and executed in a prescribed fashion. You stay on the path until success.
  • Bounded by time. Projects are completed within a prescribed time-frame. They are temporary and have a defined schedule from beginning to end.
  • Bounded by number of resources. There are a specific number of resources allocated to the work.Costs are typically driven by labor hours and time to execute toward a solution. The number of people to execute the project toward success may be limited.
  • Bounded by required results. The end result has specific goals which must be achieved.

My argument against approaching our changing states as projects is the following:

  • Everyone’s path and situation in life is different, and what worked for others will likely not work for you. You can’t develop a unique, specific set of actions to address a problem that may have worked for someone else and apply it to your situation. It’s impossible to tackle a problem like everyone else out there. Personal problems involve decision-making that are specific to you.
  • The achievement of a change in state is not accomplished within a specified time-frame or through defined resources. Problem solving involves reaching out to lots and lots of people out there for advice and guidance. There is no time boundary to make change happen. There is no such thing as a timetable. The motto to keep in mind is that change will happen when it’s meant to be.
  • End results will likely vary based on required adjustments needed along the way. We have to learn to adjust, adapt, and accommodate to fluctuating circumstances. Success is not defined by the end-state but the process of getting there which starts with baby steps.

If you want, you can continue to tackle changes in state you want to see in your life with a project-centric approach but you will need to learn to restrain any frustrations and feelings of failure in the event the final-state is not achieved.

Another way to look at it is that to solve a problem you really need to get yourself out of the project-boundary box and use timeless processes that will lead you to accept your present situation as your future-state.