In some cases, I am led to believe we are becoming an overly aggressive society continuously putting others down who provide us statements of truth. In other cases, I am led to believe we are becoming an overly aggressive society fostering our big fat egos by not accepting the truth.
It’s an intricate game of cat and mouse that we play as both the contributor and receiver of information that we may or may not like.
Let’s look at an example of questioning something about ourselves to someone. If you are asked for the truth from someone and you give an answer the other person loves, then you will be loved for speaking the truth. You become the king of the jungle. On the other hand if you tell the truth and the other person doesn’t want to accept the truth, you are then blamed for being disingenuous. Now you are in the hot seat.
So, given our years of experience with people on this planet, we start to work the cover up response which comprises of additional outcomes. Someone asks for the truth and you give them the truth knowing that they will be hurt by the truth, only to retract in some way by telling them you were kidding. This is what I call a half-truth. It’s kinda like your significant other or spouse asks you if they look fat in a particular article of clothing – and you say “yes” – and then tell them you were just kidding and give them the “you look fine” response so as not to hurt their feelings further. Not too much harm done – hopefully. You got the truth out there, retracted, and are still in the good books with the person. Mission success!
The next outcome is the most dangerous. You lie without speaking an ounce of the truth – but you need to do this to save face both for yourself and the person you are posing the question to. This situation is great as it puts both of you in a positive light but the response doesn’t really work to solve or improve anything. Meaning, the answer you give is not getting to the core of the problem for the person asking the question – say if it is about not fitting into articles of clothes – maybe the reason is not eating healthy or eating too much or something else.
So what is the worst outcome for ourselves posing the question? To understand this we need to look at what we are really trying to achieve.
The most important thing to keep in mind in situations where we are asking someone for their opinion is that we are actually questioning ourselves – but looking for someone else’s answer to justify something opposite to what we really think – since we can’t accept the answer dancing in our own heads. Did I just say someone else’s opinion? Yes I did – this is an important thing to keep in mind when asking something from someone. We are seeking their opinion. We are seeking feedback.
So, if you are asking someone if you are fat in an article of clothing – you may likely be or you may not. Why don’t you question yourself first. Look into the mirror. Get a health check up. Find out why you may have gained some unnecessary weight. Do whatever you need to understand your problem. The truth is you are only asking because you are in denial – because your ego wants you to think the opposite of what you really are – or crazy worse, become someone else so you can be accepted by others.
The question becomes why you need to ask someone an opinion about yourself in the first place?
“What other people think of me is none of my business.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt
Why are you giving other people reasons to think about you? Why are you giving people reasons to question you? Moreover, can you handle the truth from their response? Afterall, you are seeking their opinion forcing them to technically do your thinking.
Look, in anything that you question from anyone whether they are a parent, friend, co-worker, whomever, any response you get is just their opinion – it’s not a call to action. Even this blog is a series of opinions, not a call to action.
What you need to be cognizant of is that there is both a truth and a lie that resides behind answers to questions gauging opinions about ourselves from others. As long as we question, we must be prepared to hear a truth or a lie. Read that over again, I said hear a truth or lie – not accept a truth or lie.
Acceptance is bringing it into our personal operating system. We create beliefs. We create myths. We create roadblocks – all based on what other people think. We do this falsely at times and it goes beyond what is really our true nature. You may realize that we are only free when we are free from what other people think about ourselves and only think what is best for ourselves. This is why it’s important to hear things out first without accepting so you do what is in your best interest.
So, what is the answer to the worst outcome? The outcome that allows you to accept any answer, without jeopardizing the well-being of the person to which you have posed the question to. How do you do this? Try some of the ideas below:
- Go into any question, seeking the truth and assistance. Tell the recipient of the question you want to hear the truth and if they can help you in any way. Seek ideas from others that can help you. Hear their response fully.
- Be completely open to hearing criticism. Take any criticism directly. It is not intended to harm you. You are only listening. You are not accepting the criticism – you are only hearing it.
- Thank the other person for providing feedback. Your question is seeking feedback. This is feedback on your well-being, performance, spirit, health, etc. This is an opinion someone is making to help you out. Sincerely thank the other person for their time even if it is a child, parent, boss, or co-worker.
- Don’t become emotionally attached to any response. Just smile inside and accept the feedback. Pocket the response and act according to your own terms, not the terms dictated by someone. If it is a parent asking you to do something for your own good, hear it but recommend acting positively in these circumstances that works for the betterment of both parties.