It bothers me when we say things to others they should do, and many times we don’t even follow through with our own advice. I will be one of the first to stand up and say that I am guilty of this at times.
I see this all the time.
If you are parent, you may tell your child to eat their veggies but on the side you are eating tons of junk food not even setting a good example to the child. If you are a boss you may have provided your employees advice to come to meetings on time, but I am sure there are times that you don’t even make it to meetings on time. You may be an expert in nutrition and weight loss, but suddenly you gain a ton a weight for no reason.
What are others going to think about you now that take direction from you and seek your advice?
Is the idea of not pulling through with our own advice to others, or our own legitimate actions, actually making us a fraud?
Are we actually fake for not pulling through with our own weight?
Are we as a society not legitimate in our own roles as parents, workers and general models for society where we don’t even do what we say to others?
As I thought about this, I notice that a lot of people beat themselves up thinking they are a fraud for not following through with their own actions. This thinking is largely driven by your thoughts of what others will think about you about the advice or instruction that you gave them that you are now not pulling through about.
This type of thinking can be killer. Stop and realize that this is an assumption you are making. Your thoughts are driving this assumption and there is no tangible evidence out there that anyone out there even believes in anything negative about you.
What this means is that you are not a scam artist. You are not illegitimate. You are not a fake. What you are is normal. Just that – normal! Nothing more, nothing less.
There are going to be times when we may not pull through with our own actions. We will slip. That’s ok. Life is not meant to be consistently going your way and your intended actions may also be put off track based on circumstance. Remember, you are a contributor of good by telling children to eat their veggies as it promotes long-term health. You are a contributor of good by telling people to be on time for meetings as that promotes faster decision making on key business ideas. You are contributor of good for helping people lose weight as that contributes to better health.
The key to remember is that through your sound advice, you are a long-term contributor of good. A slip here can there will happen by even you, but as long as you are doing your best to contribute to the overall good of society, that is the most important takeaway. Don’t torture yourself with assumptions unless you hear from someone directly that you bad or improper advice is not being held up by you – and if you do get this mouthful, accept what is being said, consider it as valuable input, but don’t let it eat inside your head as it is just a shared opinion.
Here are some ideas for dealing with Fraud Management:
- Don’t let one or two self-negative actions deprive you from the long term goal you are trying to achieve for those you are advising – some example of these goals may be increased sales if in business, better parenting if you are a mother or father, or rapid but controlled weight loss if you are nutritionist.
- It’s impossible to be perfect. Perfection is relative and subject to change any time. Focus on doing the best for others and be sincere with your advice.
- Focus on creating good and more positive moments with others. Sound advice is good as it creates lots of positive energy. Realize your negative actions as a result of this are temporary but should be corrected in the long term.
- If you slip on your own advice, quickly correct yourself. Try not to repeat your mistake. People are more forgiving and forgetful than you think. Don’t make assumptions about what they are thinking.
- Ensure others see the improvement in you. If you gain weight and lose it, talk about it. If you are now eating your veggies, show it to others. Show up to meeting 5-10 minutes early this week if last week you had a few slip ups and came a few minutes late.
- Don’t let other people’s verbal beliefs about your actions put you down. Again, focus on the good, not the bad and you will be back on track. Take what others say as an opinion and use it to improve your behavior.
- Where possible, lead by example. Show others that you mean the best and are doing your best, and continuously demonstrate excellence where possible, not just for them but for you.
Remember, we are humans and will make mistakes. We will always want others to correct their actions but ultimately it’s our actions that also need to be corrected.
Moral of the story – don’t take any offense from anyone to correct your own actions and don’t make assumptions about what others think about your negative actions. Take action immediately to improve yourself so you can be a positive force for others.