Look around you and you will see that everyone is occupied and doing something that labels them as being busy. I don’t know anyone out there once they are born who is not. From a 1-year-old constantly seeking attention to the 100-year-old building a routine around a series of hobbies and interests – anyone can claim to be very busy.
I am finding that using the word busy is such a cop-out! I think we should just remove this word from our vocabulary.
Busy implies that you are full of activity and by default of human behavior any action we take stipulates “busy-ness” from such things as lifting a coffee cup, opening a door, getting out of bed to turning on the TV.
Let’s get one fact straight – we are all busy. Look 360 degrees around you, and you won’t find a single person who is not. Even a Swami meditating under a tree is peacefully busy, a person sleeping under a tree is quietly busy, and a person twiddling his thumbs is erratically busy.
Busy implies that you are occupied, your schedule and activity is non-stop full, and that you have no time for anything or anyone.
But is this true? Are you telling me, for example, you really do not have time to meet friends, call, grab a coffee, pick up laundry, get your mail, cook dinner, watch your favorite football team, catch a bus, make your bed? If you do, there may be some bigger issue here.
General, day-to-day activities that make you run your life just like billions of other people out there in the world doesn’t constitute being busy. All it means is that you are running through a to-do list.
You may not be aware of this, but there is significant risk of constantly marketing your “busy-ness” to others that you are probably not aware of. The biggest risk of all is that you really are not that busy and it is all a drama from your side to show others that you are a person of importance since you have so much stuff going on.
Here are some interpretations of “busy” marketing that I have come up with when people constantly receive a barrage of communication from the common telephone conversations of “oh, I have been so busy” to the repetitive text message “busy with friends and family, talk later” type of message:
- You really are busy, it’s believable, understood, and the message is clear
- You don’t really want to interact with the other person and you are hiding behind the words of “busy” to avoid them
- You have really bad time management skills as everyone in this world finds some moment to be able to reach out, even for a few minutes
- You have no life as you are constantly running around and burning yourself out
- You are putting forth some false status of importance that you have a full schedule and that anyone needs to reach out to your “secretary” to find a slot in your calendar to talk or meet up
The dangers of marketing your “busy-ness” come when you repeatedly communicate to others how busy you are – have a gap in time of communication – and then come back wanting the time of others later who you said you were initially busy to interact with.
The big question, is why anyone should interact with you who is constantly marketing your “busy-ness?” Look at it from the other person’s viewpoint. There is no reason for them to reach out to you as you have no time for them, and they are voluntarily not going to give them their time even if they are free.
If you are long-time friends, and you are not able to return simple phone calls, emails, and you are so busy tailoring to other friends, family, kids etc. – do you think in the wildest imagination that friendship will be as strong as it was when you first met? Of course not!
Another danger that comes is when you market yourself as being so busy when you really are not and you get found out. For example, you text a friend that you are extremely busy for the months of August, September and October. The friend interprets this as “wow, this guy has no time for me.” A couple of days go by and you get another text message from the same friend to grab dinner in September saying they have some free time for you.
Won’t you be offended if someone has free time all of a sudden when they initially said they were so busy? In most cases you are probably slowly walking away from that relationship to seek the company of others who are not making time excuses.
Many of you may remember the story of the boy who cried wolf and here is where the moral of the story comes to fruition at it relates to “busy-ness”. When you want to be around others but constantly market how busy you are, any availability that comes up on your part is seen by others that you are not as busy as you say you are.
In others words you are not as truthful and believable in regards to your “busy-ness” and this is one of the biggest risks of friendship. Being truthful and believable are some of the most fundamental elements of communication in friendship.
So, what to do to overcome behavior patterns of constantly marketing your “busy-ness?” Try these:
- Value the relationship and time of others. If you are truly busy, make it clear why you are and make sure you give a time-frame by which you will reach out once you get over your state of “busy-ness.” Make sure you follow through with your promise to reach back out.
- Stop the drama of constantly telling others you are too busy for them. Those relationship will wane very quickly.
- Be cognizant of the channels of communication you are using to communicate your “state of busy-ness” – text messages can be seen and re-read and if there is constant chatter of your busy-ness, you will be ostracized.
- Recognize that you stating the obvious – everyone is just as busy as you. You are no different from others as everyone has a full plate of things to do.
- Don’t replace meeting in person with constant phone and texting chit-chat to fill in the gap of time. This is seen as a turn off for some people and they prefer meeting over a coffee or drink instead – so seek to meet in person if there is a long gap.
- Just tell others you are temporarily occupied with another matter and that you will get back to them in time. Most people understand your situation but it needs to be clear that it is temporary. Use the time to get “your deal” in order and then sync up with your friend face-to-face. This is the best and only way to quickly bridge gaps in communication – and more pleasurable in the company of others.