Ever wonder why some relationships last when others fall apart? Why is it that some relationships survive and thrive, while others hardly last?
In life we have all kinds of relationships – those with friends, family, coworkers, and just about anyone we come in contact with. Some of the bonds with these individuals are much stronger than others. However, there is one thing that I have noticed in both dating and marriage relationships that contributes to easily making it break apart – and it’s not just bad sex!
It resides in this word called tolerance.
There comes a time when we just get fed up with our significant other or spouse and just decide that it’s time to walk away. We can’t tolerate the other person anymore and need to leave. We decide to leave.
Now, why is it that some relationships survive? What does survival mean anyway?
If you were ask me, it could be a variety of things – two ships simply cruising along the waters of life with nothing to look forward to, two individuals living under one platonic roof symbolizing togetherness, or two people with deep and genuine love for each other that builds over time. Now there are a ton more reasons that we don’t have to get into but I want to focus on the last one.
Somehow it seems like these couples are doing something right. What is it? It’s this – they create exponentially more positive moments than negative ones in their relationship.
By exponentially I mean something raised to a power level above that to which it is compared.
Moments can be anything – events, situations, actions, a simple split second in time. Moments can occur anytime, anywhere and with anyone. The outcome of any moment can be a positive or negative emotion toward you, your partner, or the relationship as a whole.
Positive moments can be derived, for example, from simply showing respect for each other, speaking to each other in soft tones, or having the ability to be yourself and think what you want without any boundaries or constraints.
Negative moments can be derived, for example, from constantly talking over each other, keeping score, living in fear, having doubts about your partner, or lack of trust in the relationship.
Tolerance for relationship survival is built up when there are many more positive moments are stocked up and stored than negative ones in your relationship – this is it. Simple as that.You can whether any storm no matter how strong if you have a stock of more positive moment than negative ones at your disposal. If there are exponentially more negative moments than positive ones, it is certainly time to think about how you each value each other’s presence, and if indeed it is worth the time and effort to continue as a couple, or seek help.
To make relationships survive, try the following:
- Go with the mindset of creating good in the relationship. Create more kindness. Create more compassion. Create more respect.
- Let your actions of kindness be the glue of togetherness between you and your partner. Just act nicely!
- Don’t let friends and family members contribute to the relationship. They play no part. Anything that exists in the relationship is between you and your partner – and no one else.
- Don’t do everything together. Sometimes these are moments we forget about since we think we are couple and need to do everything together. False! Deciding to be in a relationship doesn’t mean giving up your individuality. You need to get away from the relationship from time to time to bring more awareness to your self which you can then use to draw more awareness to the relationship.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you want to be in a relationship you need to develop a mentality of complete acceptance toward your partner.
Not all relationships are meant to last. Those that do take some work but it shouldn’t be pulling teeth to survive. Both couples must have a genuine interest in each other and wanting-ness to do what is right in the best interest of the relationship and not just to fulfill individual egos.
The creation of good should come naturally driven by respect for each other. Without this, nothing will survive.