Have you ever had the feeling that you just don’t fit in?
Whether you are in school, at work, in social gatherings – does something seem strange as if you just don’t belong?
Boy, I tell you – this is probably one of my biggest challenges in life. I just can’t fit in sometimes. I can’t tell you about the number of times where I just feel displaced from what I feel are my natural surroundings. I can’t tell you how awkward the feelings are when you just feel uncomfortable with the environment or those around you.
Oh – and the stupid things people say that go against your operating system that they even know about (by playing dumb) or just being oblivious to (by being ignorant) is probably one of the biggest drivers for me to run away from some social situations.
The genes that you have been gifted with, that define you, are what makes you special. Realize this. It’s impossible to win the war against what has been gifted to you. The set of genes has a historical, biological, social, psychological, and environmental code that defines the special you.
The genetic code that defines you is a complicated series of interlinking phenomenon that will drive how you think, how you act, how you behave. There are even some things where there is no point fighting over such as how you look.
Not fitting in is, in my opinion, directly related to something deeply embedded into your genetic code that is part of your operating system, that involves some tampering of your security mechanism.Your body is a like software intended to plug and play with anyone, but not every application (i.e., in the form of events, people, circumstance) is intended to run or be integrated with your personal operating system.
Not fitting in comes out in the form if what we call “insecurities” within us, and is sometimes difficult to explain what the root cause is.
I am providing a very simple analogy of how the human system is like a software system. We have operating systems just like computers. Within us, we have a series of codes that defines how we operate. This defines our platform and what we allow to be integrated to fit in with our architecture. We have the right to feel comfortable like loading or using only those applications that “plug and play” with who we are.
Those applications that involve greater degrees of coding (e.g., relationships that take too much work) are very likely to be rejected by our system. Those environments that make integration with other applications difficult (e.g., drama and excessive baggage of other individuals) are also likely to be rejected.
Not fitting in is completely natural. I am happy to say that I don’t get along with everyone and I keep my friends to a handful of close relationships. Besides, why should we feel uncomfortable around others? We are who we are.
I am not going to be one to get up and scream that you have to work extremely hard to integrate and learn about others. Learning takes work, but it should be natural – and easy. You have to learn to respect others and how they think but no one is saying that you need to think like them. Furthermore, no one is saying you have to be around others or situations that you are not comfortable with.
Clashes in cultures, thinking, ideas, upbringing with others are natural to build stiff security measures within us. If you don’t fit in with others, it’s not the end of the world. This is a reason to celebrate the unique person that you are!
To be honest and frank, you are better off with just a handful of friends that you relate to and can share open and intellectual conversation with, than to be stuck with a bunch of cyber-Facebook-like friends that you only see everyone now and then that you can’t even associate with in person.
Be proud of who you are. Be respectful of all people. Don’t put anyone down. Be yourself.
If you are caught in an awkward situation where you just can’t relate or associate with others – don’t panic. This is just your personal system talking to you quietly, letting you know there is something better around the corner.