If I took a poll and asked any of you reading this post, if in a given a day you are ever reminded of some action, whether negative or positive you took in the past, I am willing to bet big bucks that most of you would say “yes.”
If I had another question in my poll and asked most of you if what you are reminded of are more negative actions than positive ones, I am also willing to bet that majority of you would respond “yes.”
I am not here to prove that I have superhuman abilities to read into to the psyche of your thinking, but would it be mere coincidence that majority, if not all of us, are continuously thinking of the bad stuff that happened to us or the negative action we took toward others in the past?
As I think about this, the only thing that keeps creeping up in my head, is why we love to torture ourselves with our past. It’s so easy to look back as everything is crystal clear – our evidence is what is stored in our memory and this memory reminds us of the past.
There is also one small hidden truth about those things we think about the past – it’s those negative things that happen to us or that we do to others that continuously eat up inside. It’s never the positive stuff that tortures us – how can it? Positive actions act in ways to make us feel good and happy.
It’s funny how this happens – but life is designed in such as a way that it creates negative pain-bodies within us based on circumstances we are placed in. Here are some examples of past seeds that create pain:
- You are abandoned as a child by your parent and every action since then has been about fighting for survival – you get upset with others for no reason
- You got fired from a job – you are angry at your company and co-workers and want to take revenge for their action
- You are told by your significant other that you are incompatible with him and her after years of dating and a breakup occurs – you are feeling unworthy
- You are told at a very young age from a parent that you have to learn the family business – as you get older your interests change and you want to do something else but the reminder creates stress and anxiety
Now, here is another hidden truth – actions that make us happy, in most cases, will be superseded by those actions that don’t.
We remember good things that happen to us in the past and always look forward to good things to re-occur. If our friend Johnny had a great Christmas party last year we look forward to it this year. If your sports team won a great game against an arch rival last year you want to go to the same match anticipating the same outcome this year. If you had a great first date, you are very likely anticipating a fantastic second date.
Keeping everything I have said in perspective, there is a secret little strategy that can be used for overcoming past actions and those things that we are reminded of that are negative. However, this strategy only works for those people who create good for themselves and others, or are willing to do everything in their power to create good.
I think you are smart enough to know what creating good is – this is anything you do to make yourself or others happy without inflicting any harm.
For those who are stubborn enough not to use this strategy – you will continue to suffer from anxiety and stress and anger and confusion – and this will continue to eat you up inside until you decide to use this strategy.
Here it is: The path to overcome negative action is to take positive action for yourself – and create an imaginary dust cloud behind you that fogs your memory – so the only thing you remember is the present and the good you have created within.
The key to living this formula is to realize that this has nothing to do with others – it’s all about you and forgiving yourself for torturing your body and others.
I have harped on this numerous times – you have to stop blaming others for your predicament. Bad things happen by the way life is designed and the only way you fight back is to create good for yourself and you use this power of goodness towards others.
Here are some ways looking at the examples above:
- Forgive yourself for being angry toward others if you are abandoned. Forgive your parents for abandoning you. There is no need to look back. Use your forgiveness to move on in life.
- Stop to think about what your anger against your boss or coworkers is achieving. You are increasing your own blood pressure through anger. You had to work to earn money and this opportunity just got lost. Forgive yourself for being angry. Forgive your co-workers and bosses for losing your job. Use them as references to find future work. There are plenty of jobs and other companies out there. You will find work.
- Dating creates feeling of attachment that can be sustained with lots of hard work. No two people are alike and differences will be abound. We all have different goals. If someone doesn’t want to be with you they say the best way to say good-bye is with love – so do this. It’s better for you to be in relationship that both people want to be in. Anytime one person wants to leave – they have the right to do so – there is nothing you can do to can stop this. Respect their decision and forgive yourself for creating a feeling of unworthiness. Forgive your partner and wish them well – and move on.
- Your personal desires vs. those desires of your parents will always create tension. I can’t even say you can negotiate in this matter or come to consensus – familial relationships may not be designed for negotiation. This is your life. Yes, your parents can tell you they want a particular action from you but this is foolishness as behind every action you take is a series of emotions that drives how you act. Your parents can’t force anything on you, other than a series of positive morals and values, which I advocate that you should be practicing. Don’t let your parents create stress and anxiety within you. This starts by telling them how you feel. Forgive yourself for creating tension and anxiety within you and forgive them for overlooking how your feel. Do what you want.
By now, hopefully my message is clear. Forgive yourself for the pain you have created. Forgive others for their actions. Create an imaginary dust cloud that fogs your memory.
Through these actions alone you will have forgiven yourself and others. Now, the only thing your memory will remember is what you are doing right now – which is what is most relevant and which retains the most good for yourself and others.