One of the keys to living a more fulfilling life is to avoid making assumptions about people. This can be your friends, family, co-workers or any group you may be thinking about.
We sadly make assumptions about everyone – and in most cases create more pain than good within ourselves. The question, we must ask is why we make assumptions – and there is clearly not one answer.
As I thought about this the other day, there is one potential answer that seems to be at the forefront of our driver for “assumption presumption.” It’s this – we make assumptions about others because we are so close-minded and unable to make connections with others that we need to define reasons within our mindset as to why a person is so different in comparison to us OR in relative comparison to others around us in society.
I know this is a bit of a loaded answer. Let me summarize in another way – assumptions are made due to the wall you have created between yourself and the person you are making an assumption about.
This “Wall of Assumption” is the distance between what the reality of truth is and the false illusion that you have created about the world the other person or group of people live in.
This wall that I am calling can be miles high for example between husband and wives, parents and children, dating couples, teachers and students, international groups – all relationships – that you may be in constant touch with directly or indirectly.
There are several reasons for the how this wall emerges and this has to do with the level of open-mindedness within you. Making assumptions are not just about trust – we make assumptions, for example, about classes of people living in other countries, political parties, and religious groups without any direct interaction.
The question that comes to mind is whether it is humanly possible to stop making assumptions. Probably not in my opinion as questions about why other people live certain lives or behave in certain ways starts with internal curiosity.
In my opinion, if you are in a troubled relationship it is better to break these barriers down by asking pointed questions, rather than round-about probing questions that seems to solidify your own hypothetical assumption about the person – while irritating and raising doubts in the person you are asking increasing the height of the wall.
This irritation is largely driven by instinct from the other person as to what your intended conclusions are that you are pursuing.
The biggest hurdle that we face is finding out what is true about people. In many cases, the quest to find the truth about people is one of the longest journeys one may take – and if you are parent – you will know finding the truth behind your very own children is something that may take years and years to discover – or even the reality that some things are not intended to be discovered by you.
In many cases, when we draw conclusions about people without pointed questions, for example, through reading newspaper articles or not going straight to the source – you will in all cases draw more assumptions about people that are not true. We draw conclusions about people based on what others say or what society dictates – and in most cases this is simply not true.
This is ever so common with parents and children. When it comes to asking questions about such areas as drinking, drugs, and sex for example, it becomes ever so difficult. Even if parents wore a Sherlock Holmes hat and there is good detective work occurring, the simple act of probing in the presence of their children can be dangerous – you can damage the relationship with over-questioning frustrating your own children.
Open-mindedness also means stomaching what you hear in response to a question which can be completely unexpected and beyond expectation.
In most cases the relationship between friends or parents and children will be what it is. The truth is that those relationships that are open at the onset of the relationship will in most cases remain open throughout the relationship. Those relationships that are more formal will remain formal for a long time.
My point is that those relationships that remain open about key matters will be more open to discussing these matters quickly clearing doubts as the relationship matures. Those kids who can talk to their parents about anything will be the best relationships over time.
One of the keys to eliminating doubts is to make sure your attention is 100% in the relationship. This takes time and dedication and means making yourself available when needed.
If you want information in a formal relationship – don’t expect it so easily. Probing questions creates negative energy and it’s better to show respect for the other people by getting right to the point to clear any doubts you have, because the other person is perfect just the way they are – without your assumption.