Why is it that we need to ask someone for their opinion about a movie, restaurant, city to visit, etc. before actually going there?
Have you noticed that people on most occasions always ask others about their opinion about something they are interested in doing or check out a review before taking action.
This type of inquisitive questioning is how many of us live our life. We will research the ratings of a restaurant on Yelp before going there, see how many stars there are on a podcast before subscribing, or listen to key movie critics before seeing a movie.
This type of solutioning can be misleading as it takes away the joy of self-discovery and makes us reliant on the experiences of others. The key here is that a review or a score that is given is based on the opinion or experience of another person – not our own. Our action becomes dependent on the opinion of others – we end of taking action based on the level of satisfaction of others and not for the quest to satisfy our own curiosity.
When you are interested in trying something new such as restaurant, movie, a new travel destination, my opinion is not to rely on the “star” rating that may be the basis of external opinion or collective group-think. The biggest challenge we find is moving forward with a decision that is self-made from within ourselves to that of being influenced by the action of others.
The funny thing I see when I read reviews such as a hotel review on TripAdvisor are the several reviewers who completely disagree with a 5-star rating given by majority of reviewers based on their experience. Amazon does the same thing with product reviews. Here is my view on some of the drivers behind creating the rating:
- They are based on an underlying foundation of expectations. People that are writing their review are going into the product or activity with a set of expectations. For example, if a movie by one Director is a success, then they think all the movies from that same director will be successful.
- They are an opinion. That’s it. This opinion is based on personal feeling and emotions derived from the experience.
- They are unique. No two people can absolutely experience or even explain the level of deep joy derived from going to a movie, a country or a restaurant. They may agree it was great, good, or fine but the breadth and depth of this emotion is personal and one-of-a-kind.
What this means is that one has to be open-minded about trying and experiencing new things. Questioning someone about their opinion so you can make a judgment call may be good insight – but not in the hindsight as you can’t prognosticate what your experience will be based on others. I have stayed in plenty of hotels that I thought should have had better reviews than the general group opinion but then again this was based on my mindset going in to accepting the hotel. I have also liked movies that the majority of the population has disliked.
My point is this – just because opinions, ideas, suggestions, comments are being put on your personal plate doesn’t mean you have to eat everything on your plate. Experiences are personal, based on circumstance, and unique.
In some cases experiences may be shared but they will still be individual. An individual experience is one that touches our inner being. Since this being is not physically in others, it is relative even if you are both enjoying the same thing. This is why people watching a movie next to each other may experience different emotional levels about the movie. They can even have different opinions about the sunset, sunrise, or which side of the bed is better to sleep on for example.
One point I do feel is necessary is having complete acceptance of other’s opinions, comments or suggestions of users that are provided to your directly (e.g., face-to-face verbal communication) or indirectly (e.g., online reviews) – just get these on your plate. This will help set the foundation for some of your discovery – but don’t be guided by it. You will need to follow your own quest for discovery.
Remember overeating can be hazardous to your health and lead to other problems. Consumption means integrating the comment into your operating system (i.e., beliefs, values, principles) – making it your own. Just like some food has an impact on the way you look – some people’s thoughts has an impact on the way you think. The art is to balance other people’s insight by being blind to it by experimenting on your own.
How do you do this? Here are some ideas:
- Feel free to read reviews but don’t make your own judgment about the subject of the review in advance. Put the review on your plate but don’t eat it. Don’t guide your action by it.
- Don’t act right away from reading something and formulate an assumption. Assumptions, in many cases, can falsely lead you from having the time of your life.
- Act and let your curiosity lead your way. Take the plunge. Dive in. Act and see how you feel.
- Make the only option of the path your own. You have many options for places to go eat, visit, or purchase that are driven by other people’s opinion. Make all decisions your own.
- Own your decision. The output of the decision is driven by the environmental factors you may be dealing with. If it is a new restaurant the experience will be based on what you order, the type of customer service received, what time you are at the restaurant, how long you had to wait for a table, the ease of finding location, etc. The factors at the time you are at the restaurant will drive your experience and your opinion.
- Don’t make your goal to let someone know about your experience. Keep that a secret. If someone asks let them know it’s from your own personal viewpoint. There is no need to persuade someone to go a certain way. Let them find their own path to formulate their own opinion.
Experiment with these ideas and see how your feel. Let your quest for exploration formulate your own opinions. Act on your own – not based on the actions of others.