Since the beginning of time our cognitive minds have driven our desire to inquire. This level of cognition has led mankind to some amazing discoveries from such simple objects as the wheel to fire that have stood the test of time.
It’s pretty amazing how gifted our minds are to inquire and experiment which has led to some of these amazing discoveries. What’s even amazing today is that we can raise pretty much any question on Google and get some sort of answer whether direct or buried in some website.
But there is a problem – while we are curious at the intellectual level we also have a peculiar habit to be inquisitive above the lives of others. The sad thing is that we do this without any rhyme or reason – simply to compare our lives with others that actually have nothing to do with increasing our intellectual capacity, but everything to do with bloating our big fat egos.
To put it bluntly – we love being nosy about others – and the most amazing thing is that Google allows us to do so with one quick search of a person’s name – voilà!
Now setting search engines aside, I want to talk a little bit about what drives us to be nosy – and ya wanna know what? I am sometimes guilty as charged.
By nosy I am talking about getting into people’s personal lives in such areas as salary, monetary wealth, sex lives, significant other issues, and health issues. Here are some things I can gather that drives us to be nosy at least for some of us:
- We need a comparative benchmark. We need to know where we stand. Are we on track with our life? Are we off? What are people in the same age group as us doing? There is no better way than getting this benchmark than directly asking someone, hey “if you don’t mind me asking…..”. This single area of curiosity leads to many of the bullets below.
- We can’t stand others being more successful than us. Sure, let’s pick on the innocent gal or guy and see if we can understand how they achieved something we can’t. We can’t be in second place. We want to be better than others.
- We like to know other people have the same problems as us. Misery loves company is the saying and we have a terrible habit of gauging whether our problems stack up to others. Sadly, we want others to suffer the same pain as us.
- We believe we must know everything about those we spend the most time with. We repetitively communicate with friends and family asking them what they are doing, where are they going, what are the thinking. We do this to subliminally define the strength of the bond we have with the individual.
Keeping these points in light, there is an interesting phenomenon that is occurring that we may be blind to – and it’s this – majority of the times when we are being nosy and asking some direct questions, we are actually getting half-truth responses.
To summarize, majority of people – from your colleagues, friends, networking members, etc. – are not even telling you the truth. They are actually lying to you right under your “nose.” Hence, the overall purpose of being nosy is being superseded by untruthful responses you are receiving by others.
Why is this the case? We humans have a natural instinct to protect what is most precious to us – our own data. Sometimes we are being polite by not telling others everything they want to know, simply to sustain the relationship. In others, we will simply say “It’s none of your business” – this usually happens with folks you don’t have as strong a bond with.
So, if majority of people out there are telling you half-truths and you are seeking the truth about them, what are you really achieving through your nosiness? Answer: zilch – nothing!
You may get some useful information that will elevate your pride or ego, but that will be temporary. The information may guide you to explore some new areas for consideration, but could lead you astray as what worked for others may not work for you.
To avoid this state of confusion that arises through your nosy action, we have to make a paradigm shift from deep curious inquisitions about others – and focus on deep inquisition about ourselves. This is what I am calling the “Know-Me” phenomenon and it is built on the foundation that true discovery of ourselves is what leads to sustained states of happiness.
We need to get out of the rat race of poking ourselves in others personal matters, and focus more about learning about ourselves. The following are some thoughts to keep in mind to build a more “Know-Me” mentality that you can experiment with:
- Find out what you want to improve about yourself and focus on actions other people take, not their outcomes. When you focus on actions of others you are trying to discovery patterns of success other people take. For example, who cares about how much someone makes. Focus on how they position themselves to make their wealth – do they have more skills than do, more work experience, etc.
- Stop asking others questions about very deep personal matters such as salary, sex, significant other, family issues, and health matters. Most people will give half-truth answers anyway. You may discover somethings in time but don’t push it as any response will not help you personally grow.
- Assume other people don’t have any problems. Just live life as if other people don’t have any issues. Don’t ever give unsolicited advice. If someone has an issue and they want to bring it to you to, discuss it as a guide to help them discover their own solution without giving them a direct answer.
- Become passionate about being nosy about yourself. Be self-inquisitive. Look to ask what you can do better. Look to ask what you want to be. Recognize your own flaws first before looking at other people’s flaws.
Just go out there to discover yourself. Live with the doctrine to know thyself and you will find more treasures to seek within that are deemed to be true, than spinning your wheels aimlessly trying to discover half-truths about others.