Disagreeing is natural to all beings – are two people meant to agree about everything? We come from different backgrounds, DNA, experiences, morals, values, etc. – how is that we can be ourselves without losing trust and security in the other?
There are two things you need to keep in mind in the context of the matter being discussed when engaging with others – 1. Self-Awareness of what your needs and outcomes really are from the discussion 2. Empathy for the person you are talking you and what their needs and outcomes are.
Let me put out there that disagreeing with someone without reason is being a nuisance. If you are disagreeing and you just don’t know why, you are acting like a fool with an inflated ego without any context as to why you are disagreeing. So stop!
Disagreeing with reason is a more just cause. Your ego and reasoning powers are more intact and you can engage in better discussion.
Can marriage be sustained with disagreement – yes!
Can work colleagues produce business benefits with disagreement – yes!
Can friendship survive with disagreement – yes!
Can families live under one roof with disagreement – yes!
The reason why disagreement can be sustained to uphold relationships is not driven by the strong opinions that you hold by which you disagree – but how you disagree.
Can marriage be sustained with disagreement – yes!
Can work colleagues produce business benefits with disagreement – yes!
Can friendship survive with disagreement – yes!
Can families live under one roof with disagreement – yes!
You need to understand what it is that you are getting from the relationships you have. Specifically, you need to know if making conversation with the person you are engaging with is meaningful for you – and them.
Look at yourself and your feelings closely. Get to the basics – are you happy being around the person? Does the other person make you feel comfortable? Does the other person want to engage in dialogue?
Look at the clues of feelings that the other person is coming from. Are they only thinking about themselves? Do they play the “I am older” or “wiser” or “better” card? Are they giving a monologue or providing an opening to hear your point of view?
The art of thoughtful disagreement works when people are willing to understand and learn from one another. There is no sexual orientation boundary. There is no DNA boundary. There is no age boundary. There is no color of skin boundary. There is no physical appearance boundary.
Artful disagreement works by intertwining the feelings you have about a subject matter into the feelings of the other person. It is all about empathy. Put your feet into the shoes of the other person and you will see how strong your existing relationships become and how you will make stronger new relationships.
For those relationships that are suffering – run the experiment above for several major disagreements you have. If they can’t be resolved, it may be clues to move on – but if you give empathy a chance I am pretty sure you have a good chance of making the relationship survive.