One of the things I find annoying with people I am trying to connect with who circle back to me after a while is when they repeatedly tell me the reason why they couldn’t reach out earlier is because they were “just too busy.” No real excuse, it’s just that they were too busy.
They just couldn’t return my phone call because they were too busy. They couldn’t return an email message because they were too busy. They had just too much stuff happening over the weekend to meet because they were too busy. They couldn’t even drop me text because they were just too busy.
Now, what does this mean anyway especially when it is repeatedly happening to you from the same person? Remember, the key here is repetitious excuses for being busy not a few one offs here and there.
Why do some friends become so busy all of a sudden? Why does the busy timeframe seem to extend indefinitely? Why does a significant other become so busy all of a sudden? Why is saying “being busy” a great way to make an excuse about getting away about not connecting with another?
In my opinion, saying you are “busy” repeatedly is just another way of saying I just don’t care about you. When I hear this from people that I have relationships with and it happens all the time it’s just another way of showing a lack of respect for me. It’s another way of being inconsiderate to me.
I know this is a bit extreme but let me clarify further – some people just don’t care about connecting and they will make any excuse in the book to take action that demonstrates this degree of carelessness and saying they are “busy” is a way of demonstrating this. This is why people are just so busy not to reply to an email sent to them, so busy not to return a phone call, so busy not to hang out, so busy not to return a simple text message – and then they wonder why they don’t have any friends to hang with?
How is it possible that people can be so busy these days and not to be considerate to meet, return calls, text messages, etc. especially when these people are close to you, seem to be close to you, or have some interest in you?
If anything, anyone who says they are busy and does this repeatedly is providing clues that they really don’t value the relationship they have with you. This may be so called friends you once were tight with. This may be acquaintances you just met. This can be someone you started dating. This may even be family members. Let’s get real – people are people and who they are relative to the family tree or their length of relationship to you becomes irrelevant when there is lack of respect for your time and values.
You need to become vigilant about this. Don’t take it personally but these kinds of folks just don’t want you in their life and they are taking action to show how much distance they want to have between them and you. You need to just get this inside your head – and it is fair game if this happens continuously that you have every right to distance yourself away from them.
Look, saying you are busy is the lamest excuse you can have in the world when it comes to connecting with friends, people that you just met, significant others, and family members. If you are using this language regularly, it could be jeopardizing your relationship.
The truth is that we are all busy but for those relationships we really cherish, we will find time to connect. Be cognizant of this. Stop using the “busy” excuse for those folks you love and whose relationship you cherish, else those relationships will fizzle away.
If you really love someone, you will observe that there is no such thing as being busy – you will have a specific reason why you couldn’t connect. You will not need to make excuses. You will be more receptive of the other person’s reason for not reaching out to you in a timely manner. You will be forgiving. You won’t feel hatred or scorn toward the other person. You won’t take their excuse personally. These are the relationships you will always find time for.