What we learned from our Anatomy of Desires is that our basic human needs drive our wants towards objects. While need fulfillment is something that can never end, as everyday is about survival, the only thing we can control is point-in-time acceptance that our need is fulfilled. In many cases, this is a difficult thing to do, particularly when our ego wants more and more and more of the same object to fulfill our desire.
For example:
- How many shirts do you really need in your closet to considered yourself dressed?
- How many bags, backpacks, or purses do you need to carry your day to day items?
- How many cars do you need to get around?
- How many watches do you need to tell time?
To understand fullness, we need to look at objects not just from our perspective which is only 180 degree of satisfaction, but also from the perspective of the object to give the complete 360 understanding of satisfaction.
There are some laws that need to be understood and adhered to about objects:
- Objects consist of the very same vibrational frequency that you have. It is no surprise that a piece of clothing looks great on you, or a book feels amazing in your hand, or sitting in that sports automobile just feels fantastic.
- All objects in your sphere of thinking will eventually appear you as long as you concentrate and don’t fold your attention to the object. Anything that is asked for, given, found, seen, searched, heard, touched, knocked upon, or sensed is something that you have created.
- Objects can change over time based either your attention to them – prolonging their life, or by not being attentive to them – in which case the object will be destroyed.
- All objects need to be maintained from basic cleaning, dusting, to major and minor enhancements and repairs.
- Objects comprise of molecules that “speak” to you. You will know you relate to a plant, person, car, or any material object. The object feels right at any point in time.
- Objects are created, preserved, and then destroyed over time. All objects will eventually disappear.
- Objects that don’t jive with you will cause you some sort of disturbance such as annoyance, frustration, or negative energy.
- Objects can be transferred. Ever heard of “one man’s trash, is another man’s treasure?”
- The value of any object will deteriorate over time either until your interest in the object diminishes, the object doesn’t perform to your expectation, or the object is destroyed.
- Objects emanate qualities of attraction. You will like the keyboard of one laptop over another, you will like the picture quality of one tv over another, you will like the way one rug feels over another.
I am sure there are more rules, but these are major ones that come to mind. When it comes to relationships – to be specific – a girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse or anyone you don’t have a platonic relationship with – the understanding of viewing these people as objects, based on the rules above, is important to understand the chemistry you have with them. In fact, a study of people as objects when your heart is broken or when you are just not feeling it anymore will be the single most important act you can perform which will be the difference between living a life of joy or a life of pain.
People are just like you. They think, rationalize, make decisions, and have needs to be fulfilled. Of all the things of a person you need to understand to be successful in a powerful, vibrant dating or marriage relationship – is understanding their needs and how to meet them.
At the most basic and fundamental level is the other person’s need for happiness which is a combination of fulfilling their need for food and water, certainty, uncertainty, significance, love/connection, growth, and contribution. Fulfilling a person’s need for happiness doesn’t come with fulfilling just one of these factors – it is understanding how to fulfill a variety or all of these factors at once based on circumstance.
Remember, a fulfillment of need makes not just you, but the other person complete, whole, and full. The reason why a person chooses to break up with you is because any need that they have – that they are looking at you to fulfill and that continues to make them incomplete – will lead them to break away from you.
The challenge that we have when a person chooses to break away is that it is because of us – and this thinking is a complete lie. It is 100% on them – and you may ask why? It is because need fulfillment can never ever be fulfilled by any object – whether that object is a person or a thing.
Remember, every object is seeking and attracting their own happiness. People are objects seeking fulfillment to be happy. If objects are continuously changing, evolving, and transforming – how is it that a dynamic object will keep another person happy? It’s impossible for it to happen.
So what we need to understand is that the other person is entitled to find and search for their own happiness – even if we want them and desire them for our level of happiness. This is the trade-off of being in a relationship. It is fair game to move on at any point without any party taking it personally as it really neither the other person’s (i.e., the object’s) responsibility to keep you happy nor is it your responsibility to keep them happy.
What’s important is understanding the signals in between the point when you are around your significant other and when they are away. Everything you need to know about the state of your relationship is known in the presence of the other person:
- Tone of voice – is it harsh? condescending? is there no laughter?
- Fluttering mindset – is it unclear that they don’t know what they want?
- Body language – are arms folded in discomfort? do they not have the ability to look you in your eye?
- Asynchronous communication – they drop single line responses to intricate texting questions, you don’t get an email from them in a while, they quickly end phone discussions by making excuses (i.e., got to meet a friend, cell phone battery is dying, they are in the middle of shopping)
Anytime a person starts to display any of the areas above, it is an indicator that some sort of need is not met when you are around their presence – and that their happiness is in jeopardy around you.
This goes for all objects – a plant that doesn’t get attention will shed it’s leaves, a pet dog that doesn’t get food or attention will bark aloud for no reason, a car that doesn’t get a tune-up, gas, or oil change will stall.
Every person is entitled to find their own source of happiness. We must allow everyone to flow with us and through us to find their happiness – and not come in their way.
It is our obligation – even if we have a strong desire to be with the person and they don’t want to be with us – to allow them to move away from us and toward sources and objects that brings them joy. It is for this reason that we should let them go – and through this action alone – we will also set ourselves free to find our true sources and objects of happiness.